FOMO. Fear of missing out. This is so hard to deal with, especially as a teenager. I remember being upset so many times because my friends were doing things that I couldn’t do. I would lay in my hospital bed and replay snap stories of my friends on the beach or my friends on vacation or my friends out at a party. The worst part about watching the snap stories was knowing they probably weren’t even thinking about the fact that I was laying in bed, physically unable to do the things they were doing, dealing with lymphoma.
While I was in the hospital, I was SO lucky. I had the best friends, the best family and the best community to support me. They would always visit me and I rarely felt alone, but in the moments that I did, it truly sucked.
As crazy as it sounds, I honestly think the best way to deal with being upset, is to let yourself be upset for a little while. Let your emotions out. Let yourself be angry and sad and disappointed, because feeling these things is natural and okay. Let yourself cry, let yourself be frustrated, just let it all out. In these moments I often journaled. I would literally write whatever came to my mind. I didn’t care about grammar or complete sentences or anything. Writing things out is a great way to release all your emotions because most of the time there is no one you can talk to who can relate to what you’re going through and make you feel better.
Here’s an excerpt from one of my journals when I was in the hospital:
“so i just cried. and i am so sad for some reason. i feel like im in this slump and theres no getting out of it. i just have fomo and feel like this is not a normal teenagers life and all i want is to be able to live that. i cant stop crying teardrops are slowly just rolling of my face and i know exactly why. its because i have no control over my life. i physically am held back from things than any normal teenager would be able to do. and there are so many things that i cant explain, but i want to be in pain. like i dont wanna stop crying because i deserve this pain. something that ive done in the past has made me deserve this pain. and it sucks because i wish i knew what it was so i could control it and so i can stop doing it and just be a better person. i dont feel like a genuinely good person. i cant even write the pain i feel cause idk how to describe other than saying it sucks.”