Hard conversations can be tough to start, especially when your family is going through a crisis, like a serious illness. There’s this idea that tough times will automatically bring families closer, but that’s not always true. Often, we avoid difficult conversations out of fear or uncertainty, which can lead to more misunderstandings and create a bigger emotional gap between family members. In this blog, we'll explore how to tackle these hard conversations, what to avoid, and how to stay emotionally connected with those around you.
What Are Hard Conversations?
Hard conversations are exactly what they sound like—difficult, uncomfortable discussions that people tend to avoid. They happen when you need to talk about serious topics like illness, death, or personal struggles. But here's the thing: avoiding these talks can make things worse. People deal with stress and emotions differently, which can lead to more misunderstandings and distance if you're not communicating.
Why Starting the Conversation Matters
Even if you don’t know the "right" thing to say, it’s usually better to say something rather than nothing. Reaching out shows that you care and helps everyone feel more connected and less alone. Just the act of talking can make a huge difference in how supported people feel, even if the conversation is awkward at first.
However, when tackling these hard conversations, be careful of saying things like "I know how you feel" or "Try to look on the bright side." Comments like these, though well-meaning, can hurt more than they help. They can make the other person feel even more isolated and misunderstood.
How to Tackle Hard Conversations with Family
Be Honest with Children
If you’re talking to younger siblings or children, it’s important to be honest in an age-appropriate way. According to Laura Crutchlow, LCSW from CancerCARE Point, “Children can sense when something is going on. If you don’t tell them the truth, they’ll imagine something much worse." You don’t have to have all the answers, but it’s okay to say, "I don’t know, but I’ll find out."
Show Your Emotions
It’s totally fine to cry or show your emotions in front of your family. This doesn’t make you weak; it shows that it’s okay to feel and express your emotions in a healthy way. Amy Goldsbury, MSW, explains that expressing emotions, even in front of children, is a way of modeling how to handle feelings in a healthy way.
Use Support Networks
If talking face-to-face feels too overwhelming, you can use online platforms like
CarePages or CaringBridge to share updates with family and friends. This allows you to keep people informed without retelling the story over and over again. Sharing both the facts and your feelings can help you receive deeper emotional support.
How to Stay Supported
Find Support Outside the Family
It’s important to keep your network of family and friends strong, but sometimes, you might need support from people who aren’t as close to the situation. Support groups for siblings, parents, or caregivers can be helpful, as they provide a safe space where you can openly share your feelings with people who understand. Rob Tufel, Executive Director of CancerCARE Point, suggests joining a support group so everyone can have a place to talk without feeling judged or overwhelmed by family emotions.
Conclusion: Taking the First Step
Tackling hard conversations isn’t easy, but it’s an important way to stay connected during tough times. By being honest, showing your emotions, and reaching out to the right people for support, you can make these difficult talks feel a little more manageable. Remember, you don’t have to be perfect—you just have to show that you care.