When I want to support someone going through a difficult time, I begin by assuming nothing. I imagine the person is from an unfamiliar, fascinating place and allow them to share their experience as they see it. This approach gives them the chance to tell their story in their own words, helping me genuinely understand what they’re going through. It also lets me feel empathetic rather than rushing to solve their problems. Often, I’m surprised by what they share when given space. Are you supporting friends or loved ones emotionally but not sure how to go about it? Read on for my top strategies!
Here are my 9 effective tips for communicating with someone who is struggling emotionally:
1. Don’t say, “Everything will be OK.
”This is a classic “what not to say”! While it might seem comforting, saying “everything will be OK” can actually stop someone from opening up. Instead, invite them to continue, go deeper, cry, or even vent if they need to.
2. Understand that talking about emotions can be tough.
Opening up about feelings isn’t easy for everyone. Allowing a friend to express emotions without advice can build closeness. If you’re ever concerned that what a friend shares could indicate self-harm or harm to others, it’s important to involve a trusted adult. This isn’t a betrayal of trust; it’s about keeping your friend safe.
3. Tell the truth (even when it’s hard).
If you have tough news, deliver it in a way that respects how much the person can handle, letting them decide how much they want to know. When someone trusts that you’re honest, they’re more likely to reach out again. Remember, leaving out details often causes people to fill in the gaps with worst-case scenarios.
4. Acknowledge that it’s normal to feel multiple emotions at once.
During hard times, it’s common to feel conflicting emotions, such as being scared and hopeful or angry and relieved. Emotions are complex, and it’s okay if a friend can’t pinpoint their exact feelings. Give them time to sort things out and encourage them to reach out for additional support if needed.
5. Listen for the emotions behind their words.
Sometimes, a friend’s emotions are hidden within their questions or stories. It’s easy to focus on details and overlook their feelings. Listen closely for underlying emotions to understand how best to support them.
6. Be open to unexpected moments of sharing.
People rarely announce when they need to talk about something important. Significant conversations often arise unexpectedly—during casual activities or conversations. Your friend may test your reaction with just a few words initially. Show that you’re willing to listen, and they’ll open up when they’re ready.
7. Don’t worry about making mistakes.
If the conversation doesn’t go as planned, don’t be too hard on yourself. With more real conversations under your belt, you’ll naturally get better at handling these sensitive moments.
8. Use the W.A.I.T. strategy.
One of my favorite tips, borrowed from Wendy Mogul, PhD, author of Voice Lessons for Parents, is to remember “WAIT”—an acronym for “Why Am I Talking?” Asking yourself this question can serve as a powerful reminder to pause and let your friend share what’s important to them.
Following these strategies for communicating with someone going through a hard time can help you provide genuine support. Listening and understanding go a long way in helping loved ones feel heard and supported.