Think about the last time you bumped into someone you know. The conversation probably started with, “Hi, how are you?” followed by a quick, “good” or “fine.” We say these words all the time, often without even thinking, as part of the polite routine of daily life. As a fifth-year Psychology student, I’ve been trained to notice subtle behaviors that might otherwise go unnoticed—like changes in this common exchange, especially when you're coping with chronic illness.
How Illness Changes the Conversation
When people became aware of my diagnosis, I noticed that no one simply asked, “how are you?” anymore. Instead, it turned into, “how are you feeling?” That one word—"feeling"—may seem small, but it mattered to me. When I was feeling my worst, I tried to focus on anything but my illness. Those moments when my condition briefly slipped my mind were the best part of my day. But every time I answered the phone or went out for a green tea, the rephrased question brought me right back to coping with my chronic illness.
The Weight of Well-Meaning Questions
Don’t get me wrong—I’m incredibly grateful for the outpouring of support and care from everyone around me. But when you're sick and vulnerable, even small, well-intended gestures can sometimes feel overwhelming. At times, I wanted to ask, “How am I doing, or how is my illness doing?” It felt like my illness was becoming my identity, and I didn’t want that. After some reflection, though, I realized that I had the power to change how I responded.
Shifting the Focus
I began to reframe my answers, including something positive happening in my life. I’d mention my upcoming graduation or share the good news about being accepted into graduate school. By doing so, I reminded everyone that “Nicole” was still thriving, despite the circumstances. This small shift transformed conversations from medical updates into more normal, fulfilling exchanges, helping me feel more like myself again.
Adjusting to a New Normal
When you’re facing medical challenges, your sense of “normal” changes. Suddenly, you’re forced to think about things that once never crossed your mind. It’s a time of adjustment and transformation, including learning to accept that people may treat you a little differently—and learning to be okay with that.
Finding Comfort in Care
What always lifts my spirits is knowing how many wonderful people truly care. That support makes all the difference in navigating the challenges of illness and finding your way to a new normal.
About Nicole is a passionate Psychology student navigating life with MALS, Nicole finds strength in education and the support of her community as she pursues her academic and personal goals.