Surviving Cancer: A New Lease on Life
Cancer is hard. Really hard. Like, to hell and back hard. When I became a cancer survivor at 20, I had a newfound lease on life. Throughout chemotherapy, I spent countless days dreaming about returning to school—taking a full course load, going to college parties, feeling confident about my new hair, and more. I was itching to get the all-clear and jump back into life, ready to take on the world.
The Reality of Life After Cancer
Six months after my last round of chemotherapy, I returned to school. Immediately, I was confronted with the harsh reality that life after cancer wasn’t as easy as I imagined. My energy levels weren’t the same. A full class load drained me completely, and after each day, I would crash on my bed, exhausted.
My hair grew back slowly, leaving me stuck in the awkward buzzcut phase longer than I liked. Bad hair days became hat days, which only made me feel more self-conscious. To make matters worse, I had gained weight from chemo and felt uncomfortable in my own body. I dragged myself to the gym, only to realize that my endurance was shot from the treatment.
The Journey Back to “Normal”
Despite the difficulties, I persevered. Over time, my medical issues began to fade. Within a few months, I was exercising regularly. After a year, my energy started returning. And two years later, I could finally pull my hair back into a ponytail. It took a tremendous amount of effort to reach this point, but today, when I look in the mirror, I see a normal girl instead of a cancer patient.
New Challenges, New Perspective
Nowadays, most of my worries aren’t medical-related. I focus on typical college concerns—grades, friendships, boys. But these things will never be "normal" for me, because I carry a different perspective than most of my peers. I know what real problems look like.
Cancer is a real problem. Blood clots are real problems. Fluid buildup around the heart is a real problem.
Navigating “Normal” Worries
When I find myself stressing over "normal" issues, I can’t help but compare them to the medical problems I’ve faced. How can I stress about not fitting in a workout with my busy study schedule when, in the past, I worried about giving myself injections every day? How can I be upset over a bad grade when I know there are kids fighting cancer in hospital beds right now?
Mentally, I beat myself up for worrying about these smaller things. The "normal" problems I face seem so small and insignificant in comparison.
The Post-Cancer Existential Crisis
Facing cancer at a young age forces you to think differently, and sometimes, that perspective shift can be overwhelming. For a while, questioning the significance of my problems became a heavy burden. I began experiencing panic attacks over things beyond my control, unable to strike a balance in life.
Nothing could have prepared me for this post-cancer existential crisis. It was a journey I couldn’t turn to friends or family for help with—they hadn’t been through a similar experience. I felt alone and unsure of how to express myself.
Finding Help and Moving Forward
Fortunately, I found a therapist at my hospital who helped me address the panic attacks and uncertainties I was facing. Talking through these struggles helped me regain balance in my life. Now, I carry less weight on my shoulders and am, once again, ready to take on the world.